I am 24, Working, Independent. And I am Already Crying About a Marriage That Hadn't Happened Yet.

I am at the age of getting married, which at 24 may not be considered a significant age for marriage in South India. However, in my home, the search for a spouse began when I was 22 and pursuing my post-graduation.

Let me explain the traditional process of finding a groom in our family. We rely on matrimony sites to search for potential matches. While this may seem like a modern approach, it is the only contemporary aspect of groom selection in our caste. The next step involves inviting the prospective groom and his family to our home if both families express mutual interest. During this meeting, they discuss their familial connections, including their ancestors, and their ties to our family. Subsequently, the girl is invited to offer coffee to the groom's family. Finally, if both parties agree, the girl and boy are allowed to converse privately. This is a typical arranged marriage scenario.

Having observed numerous such marriages, I have come to realize that they often follow a predictable pattern: a mere formality of meeting, talking, and departing. However, after witnessing various posts on Facebook and YouTube depicting life after marriage, I have begun to perceive the challenges of adjusting to a new life. Leaving behind our own family, seeking permission for routine activities that we once took for granted, and adapting to an entirely different lifestyle can be overwhelming. Personally, I do not expect much from my future spouse. I desire the freedom to be myself and dislike the notion of having to justify my actions.

When I secured my first job in Chennai, I felt trapped and eventually decided not to join. After completing my post-graduation, I found employment with a company in Bangalore that provided me with a sense of comfort akin to being part of a second family. I grew fond of the company and its people to the extent that I no longer felt disconnected from my own family. Despite many of my bachelor's degree friends moving to Chennai, I never had any inclination to go there.

I have several concerns on my mind. For instance, I enjoy playing badminton, which I currently do at my office. However, I fear that this activity may no longer be possible after marriage. Lately, I have been overwhelmed with the feeling that I will be separated from my family, including my mom, dad, and cousins. One of my cousins mentioned that after marriage, I will have to celebrate functions with the groom's family rather than with my own parents and brother.

I cherish the time I spend with my cousins during family gatherings. We often plan trips together, but in the future, I may have to adjust my plans to accommodate the groom's side of the family. I am currently experiencing a deep sense of longing for everyone in my family. It saddens me to think that I will always be an outsider, "treated as a guest in my own family." I read this sentiment in a Facebook post, and it brings me to tears even before I am married. I am feeling disheartened about being a girl at this moment. As a girl, I have numerous aspirations and goals. I dream of representing India in a badminton match and starting my own IT company. However, I am apprehensive that people will expect me to abandon these dreams once I am married, simply because I am a South Indian girl.

I am determined not to sacrifice my dreams for anyone. I recall my mother sharing her experience of securing a government job while pregnant, yet she has not been able to obtain a permanent position thus far. Now, even before selecting a potential spouse, I am plagued by fears. These days, I find myself crying at the thought of being separated from my family. I return home every chance I get to spend time with my mother and brother, but ultimately end up feeling lonely as I am picked up and dropped off by my mother. I rarely get to see everyone's faces in the morning as they are either still asleep or preparing for work. While the pursuit of financial stability is important, my heart yearns for togetherness with my family. I hope to find a partner who will be my lifelong friend.