My Own Baby Looked at Me Like a Stranger. That Hurt More Than the Accident.

I had just completed a two week driving course. I was feeling confident about it.

That day after feeding my son I was feeling drowsy. We all went out together. I wanted to try driving the car since I had just learned. I asked my parents but they hesitated. I felt disappointed.

I left the house without a plan. I thought I would ride the bike instead. I was driving and my brother was sitting at the back in my bike. He told me to drive atleast to 30kms becuase i was litteraly driving but everyone were crossing us even the old TVS 50 bikes. I drove it a little faster it was just 30kms And then a pedestrian came suddenly. You know what happened he was drunk and there was nobody in the road except him in that Chennai- Bangalore highway he was driving like the whole road is his own road driving zig zag. I got angry that moment i just wanted to cross him and then with anger i crossed him and he hit me, there was a collision. It was afternoon 2 pm hot burning sun in that newly put thar road, I fell on it. It was burning hot hands, legs everything got scratched. My face got swollen up. Red scratches all over. I looked at myself and felt so bad. I take care of my skin and seeing it like that was painful.

But that was not the real pain.

My baby was 5 months old. Before the accident when he saw me his whole face would light up. That smile — I cannot explain it. Only a mother knows that feeling when her baby smiles just by seeing her face.

After the accident he didn't recognise me. He looked at me and started crying. He refused to drink my milk. He turned away from me. That baby who used to reach out for me — he didn't know who I was anymore. I didnt want my 5 month old baby to be starving without milk. I wanted him to drink but looking at my face he looks terrified as if a bhoot is sitting in front of him. Just to make him drink milk i would switch off light and feed him at nights and day times guess what i do i close my face with towel and feed him. It was really painful that time

My husband tried to comfort me. But how do you explain this to anyone. My face will heal. Scratches will go. But sitting there and watching my own baby cry when he sees me — that hurt in a place no medicine can reach.

I just want my face to heal fast. Not even for myself. Just so my baby can recognise me again. Just so he smiles at me the way he used to.

That is all I want right now.